My Destiny
by GoldNightmares
Summary: DongBangShinKi Hint of Yaoi .When Jae Joong and Junsu get into a car accident, Jae Joong ends up going nuts at the death of his lover.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **_I know I don't own Dongbangshinki, if I did, do you think I'd be writing fics about them……._

_Anyway, Jae Joong and Junsu are their own people and as far as I know they aren't in a relationship tis just a fic. . ; Also I don't own the song "My Destiny" Tis preformed by them and is copywritted by them. -  
_

_-GN_

**_My Destiny – Part one_**

_Some say love is a good thing. That it is most always meant to be when you're together for more than a month or two.  
Not for me..._

Jae Joong stared out the window of an old chapel. The sky seemed only black and white to him, even in the morning light as the sun rose. He'd been drug there because Junsu had to do some work with one of the nuns there. Another forced thing.  
Things had been fine up until a few days ago. Jae Joong didn't know what it was. He sighed and watched the sun set up into the sky for another long and boring day in a sea of pain and confusion.  
Was it meant to be?  
Jae turned his head gently to look at his koi, Junsu.  
Or was it just a mistake?

Jae's hand went to his head, grabbing a handful of hair and slamming his head against the wall. No one turned. Good. He didn't need attention. He didn't want attention.  
He laughed a bit to himself and slid down the wall, the bricks in the chapel, along with the light dissolved into a puddle around him. His vision going black.

**My heart is still struggling to return to that long night**

Jae Joong looked around, black and white all around him. Was he dreaming? His eyes widened as he saw himself sitting against a rock on a beach. Jae Joong hadn't noticed the water until he saw himself pick up a shell. He walked forward toward himself a bit before edging backward.  
Light footsteps came closer, black hair in a swirl, turned around to face the oncoming person.  
It was Junsu.

Jae Joong's eyes widened a bit as he saw himself get up and walk over to the boy. He continued to watch as the memory played over again.

**The promise I made that early morning has become a lie and I can't go back**

Gentle hands caressed Junsu's face, trailing down with the other down to his shoulders as Jae kissed him. Junsu going along with it, leaned in and wrapped his hands around Jae Joong's neck. After a few moments they pulled away.

Still watching the memory, Jae Joong inched closer so he could hear his other self and Junsu speak. All he could hear was himself.  
"I promise I'll stay with you forever."  
Junsu's voice, faint, but barely audioable sounded out afterward.

Jae Joong backed away from the two. He couldn't stand it anymore! He screamed, eyes shooting open to face his lover.

"Jae Joong? Are you ok?"

Jae's eyes looked around as he frantically searched the chapel for something that wasn't there. Was it...just a dream?  
Maybe?

A small laugh jerked him out of his thoughts. Junsu shook his head and pulled him up off of the cold floor. "C'mon you, we need to get home"

Jae Joong nodded in response and let Junsu pull him out of the chapel and to the car.

**Our shadows are starting to move back to those days**

Jae stopped in front of his jeep and turned to Junsu, smiling gently, he reached out and grabbed his Koi's hands. Junsu looked up and smiled, letting himself to be pulled into the others arms. "we need to go" Jae Joong said, inches away from Junsu's face.  
A small annoyed look crossed the shorter one's features as he shook his head and pulled away from Jae Joong. "tease"

A few miles down the road, Jae Joong's vision returned to black and white, only it wasn't him this time. Lightning flashed around them as it started to pour.  
"Wow, it's raining pretty hard" Junsu said, his eyes not leaving the window he was looking out of.  
Jae's hands didn't leave the steering wheel, nor his eyes off the road "Yeah, I'm a bit worried"  
"About – Jae?"  
Jae Joong eyes widened as he cursed and jerked the car over to the side. Headlights, that where once in front of him, where now to the side, coming closer, and closer. Junsu shut his eyes tightly as the headlights hit the side of the car. His side.

Jae's hands left the steering wheel and went up towards his face as the air bag hit him. The car, rolled over onto it side, before another car, not seeing the accident because of the dark rain, slammed into the bottom of the jeep.

**You know that I'm still waiting for you**

A blur of white and grey surrounded Jae's mind. All he could see or think about was Junsu. His hand reached out to touch what he knew he couldn't and it hit something. Something hard.  
What was there?

Jae Joong's eyes snapped open to find himself being pulled out of the jeep. Flames erupting the front of it. He could hear the people around him as they pulled him out. _Jae...Joong _  
He was pulled farther away from the car...

_...you promised..._

Brown eyes widened as the car became surrounded in flames. I promised...

_...You wouldn't leave..._

"NO! LET ME GO!" Jae Joong threw himself out of the man that pulled him out's grasp and ran toward the car. Junsu was still in there!!!

**Another day, Another night**

A gush of wind sent Jae flying backward, blackening his vision once again. Another blur of colors surrounded his mind, as the sun faded and the moon rose before him. He saw himself again, only this time he wasn't on a beach. He could smell food. A kitchen?  
Jae Joong heard laughter, as he turned to face the sound, he saw Junsu run in front of him. Eyes grew wider, that wasn't in front, that was through him.

Jae's eyes fixed on the vision before him.

Junsu wrapped his arms around Jae Joong and nuzzled into his back. "Whatcha makin'?" He asked and tried to look over. All that got him was a small glare.  
"Alright! I know! I know! You don't like anyone watching you cook!"

Jae Joong smiled a bit as he watched Junsu waddle off and his other self go back to what he had been doing.

**But our future is going nowhere**

Jae Joong's smile grew as Junsu snuck back into the kitchen. He was always trying to sneak food away before Jae Joong was finished making it.  
Just as Junsu made it behind Jae Joong, fire flew from his form's clothes. Surrounding Junsu and the kitchen.

The smiled faded quickly as Jae Joong tried to save Junsu. He ran over and went to grab his shoulder, only it didn't stay, it went straight through.  
The fire spread rapidly, stopping him from seeing Junsu or his other self. The memory was just a bunch of flames now.

**Now living without your love**

Jae Joong sat up straight, pain echoing throughout his entire body. The light made it clear he was in a hospital, so did the cold that stung his lightly clothed body.  
"Where..."  
"JAE JOONG!! You're ok!"  
He turned to the voice. Maybe it was Junsu!!

Yunho ran over to him and kneeled beside the bed. Yoochun and Changmin hadn't come, it was just Yunho. "what...happened"  
"You where in a car acci-" Yunho stopped, tears threatening to come from his eyes.   
"Where's Junsu?"  
Yunho broke and started to cry. "They never got him out of the car"  
Jae Joong's eyes widened as he stared at Yunho. "you're lying"  
"I'm not..."  
"Get out.." Jae's voice was shaky yet deadly.  
"Wha-"  
"I said GET OUT!" He yelled and threw his pillow at Yunho.  
Yunho stood up and ran out, surprised at his friend. Jae Joong watched and then as the door shut, lowered his eyes to the white sheets. It was all a lie. He would get out and come home and Junsu would be there.

...right?

**To be Continued...**


	2. Chapter 2

**My Destiny – Part Two**

**I can still picture your shaking shoulder**

Jae Joong walked over to Junsu. "hey...what's the matter?" He could see Junsu's shoulders shaking up and down. He was crying.  
The brunette kneeled down beside the crying boy and patted him gently. "C'mon you can tell me what is wrong"  
"You didn't save me"  
"What?"

Jae Joong flew back as a gush of wind blew him back. Eyes fixed on the car that was now surrounded by flames. What just happened? He was just in there. Yet, so was Jusnu.

Junsu was still in there!

"Jusnu!!!" Jae got up and ran to the burning car, only taking a few running steps when a pair of forceful arms went around his waist.  
"There's nothing you can do for him"  
"Yes there is!" Jae cried, lifting his arm he elbowed the other man in the stomach and ran toward the car.

The heat became more intense as he neared the car. He had to be in there! He had to be ok! "Jun-"

"SU!!" Jae sat straight up in his bed.

Wait, it wasn't his bed.  
Right, he was in the hospital, and that so called dream of Junsu burning in the car...

...wasn't a dream...

**For now, my destiny is sad**

Jae's whole body shook. He couldn't hold it in anymore. No matter how hard he tried to act tough. He just couldn't do it.  
He screamed out and threw his head into his hands, tears of anger and hate towards himself flowing down his cheeks and staining the plain white hospital sheets.

Soft heels hit the floor as the made their way over to Jae Joong's bed. The crying man looked up to see one of the nurses. The nurse laid a tray of food down on the nightstand beside his bed and headed out.

Food. Did he want it?

Of course not.

All he wanted was Junsu.

"What did I do wrong?" he asked, voice shaking with guilt. He eyed the room frantically. He needed to get out!  
Wincing he got up out of the bed, the hospital sheets falling to the floor. Finding his clothes in a box under his bed, he stripped out of the hospital's so called covering and back into his own.

As he reached into the box, something sharp hit his hand. What?  
He pulled his hand out. His fist was closed tightly around the ring in his hand, the silver chain hung out of his grasp.  
It was Junsu's necklace.  
He had taken it from him because he couldn't quit throwing at people at the restaurant.

**I want to forget your eyes, your tears, and sighs**

The cold wind blew against Jae Joong as he walked across the street from the hospital. He'd made it out of that hell hole through the window.  
And he wasn't going back.  
Not until he found his lover.

He winced and fell to his knees. Junsu wasn't going to come back. He was NEVER going to come back...

...he knew it...

...but why...

...why couldn't he tell himself that?

"I'm...sorry...I couldn't..." Jae Joong choked out softly. The tears of hate toward himself returned as he clutched his shoulders and cried, harder than he had ever cried before.

He coughed, the tears clouding his vision. The grass in front of him looked shiny. Only now it didn't look like grass. It looked like sand.  
The wind blew harder, but it didn't smell of gasoline anymore.  
It was salty.

Jae Joong looked up to find the ocean water once more. He shook his head. He was seeing things again. Why? Why wouldn't it stop?!

**Each day I take off the ring I cannot let go, still hiding my feelings**

"Stop..." Jae whispered, the necklace swung on his wrist as he lifted his hands to his head.

"Leave me alone"

_Jae Joong..._

"No..." his voice grew a bit louder.

_Why didn't you save me?_

"Go..away.." the hand that didn't hold the necklace went around the chain, harshly pulling at it as the ring on the pendant rested in the other.

_You had time..._

"No I didn't...I...couldn't...get...you out..."

_Yes you could have._

The chain strained to keep itself together as Jae Joong pulled at it more. His eyes glaring at the sand. He was mad. Not at Junsu..  
..not at the memories..  
..but at himself.

"Leave me.."

_Jae Joong.._

"the fuck alone!!!!" he shouted, standing up and throwing the ring out into the ocean water.

**My mind wants to shout, to send one last message**

"Fine, don't say that I didn't want to help"

Jae Joong looked around in surprise. He was in the field across from the hospital yet again. Standing up he turned and saw another one of his band mates. "Yoochun?"

Yoochun nodded, his eyes red like Jae's from crying. "C'mon...I'm going to take you home"  
Jae Joong nodded slowly, his shoulders still shaking from crying. His whole body shaking in anger. "Home...is...Junsu there?"  
Yoochun sniffed some and shook his head. "no...he's not"  
Jae smiled sadly. "I thought so" he said as he walked up to Yoochun. Turning around one last time, he let his eyes move up to the moon.  
Did I have time to save you? Could I have saved you?

**You know that my hearts beating for you**

"Jae Joong you butt hole!" Junsu playfully said as he pushed Jae Joong away from him. The playstation controller falling out of the fallen one's hands.   
"It's not my fault you suck at this game" Jae snickered and pushed him back.  
"It's not my fault that you cheat!"  
"I do not!"  
"BULL!"  
"Don't yell at me!" Jae Joong said as he tackled the other one to the ground. "Just for that...I'm ignoring you tonight"  
Junsu's eyes widened "WHAT?!"  
A small smirk played on the dominant's face. "Of course. there is ONE way you can gain my forgiveness"

"Hey you two! Get a room!" Changmin joked as he waltzed in and plopped down into the chair.  
Junsu and Jae Joong both stood up, Junsu leaving the room. "Fine" Jae said as he patted Changmin's shoulder "We'll use yours"

**Another way**

Jae Joong lifted his eyes, stepping into Changmin's room and looking around. It didn't look like this now. He remembered when him and Junsu actually went into here just to piss Changmin off.

Jae slid over to the bed and ran his hand along the sheets. They still where warm. Maybe Junsu was here? No Jusnu was...  
...his eyes narrowed sadly as he saw Junsu lay down on the bed. He backed up slowly and saw himself crawl over Junsu.  
"Don't tease me" Jae panted and kissed Junsu again. 

"STOP!" Jae Joong shouted, the memory fading from his sight. "I don't ..."

**Another lie**

"...care that you're gone!!" he growled and tore the bed sheets from the bed. "I...don't'...love you" he breathed out raggedly as he fell to his knees, panting and holding the bed sheets in his hands.

**I believed in fate innocently**

He breathed in some, but not enough. He coughed. But this time he couldn't stop.

He couldn't breath...

Jae Joong's eyes slid shut as he fell to the floor, the bed sheets falling under his head and providing him a pillow.

Junsu looked over at Jae Joong. The moon beaming light down on them in the cold night. "Do you believe in fate?"  
Jae Joong snorted and shook his head "No, why the hell should I?"  
"I dunno...do you think if neither one of us was in TVXQ...that we would've met eventually?"  
Jae shrugged and looked back at the moon. "I don't know..."  
"I think we would've"  
Jae Joong looked over to Junsu..a astonished look on his face.  
"Why?"  
"Because..."  
"That isn't a good reason."  
"It is for me" Junsu stood up and looked down at the sitting Jae Joong. "I think we met on purpose"  
The astonished man blinked a couple of times as Junsu blushed brightly and ran off toward the house.  
"What...the?"

**But Living without your love**

Jae Joong stood up and followed after Junsu. "Hey! Don't run so fast" he yelled out after him. For some reason, Junsu was getting farther and farther away.  
Jae ran a bit faster but tripped. "Junsu" he said softly and pushed himself upward. What?

He couldn't' get up!

He looked up and saw Junsu no where in sight. Where did he go?

"Junsu!!" he cried out, looking around madly. "This isn't funny!'

**if we had to go back, I would still want to hold your hand**

"Hey silly! I'm right here!"  
Jae Joong looked up and saw Junsu's outstretched hand. The silver ring he had given him still on his ring finger. Jae smiled gently and took it.  
"Now get up, I've still gotta beat you in Super Smash Brothers!"

**My destiny is fading with memories**

I want to say right here

Jae Joong nodded and stood up, allowing Junsu to pull him off toward the house.

I don't ever want this to end.

"Jae Joong!"

Jae stopped and turned around. Junsu turning with him, hands on his hips. "what are you looking at?"  
"I thought someone just called me"  
"you're hearing things silly" Junsu laughed and grabbed Jae's hand yet again. "Come on, lets go"

"Jae Joong!"

Reality hit. Jae Joong looked down, the floor was no longer there. He was...floating? No!  
He looked up to find Yunho holding tightly onto his hand.

He was hanging off the balcony!!

**To be continued...maybe**


End file.
